


The Way of Words

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey, Penicillin
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Dom/sub, Double Penetration, Explicit Language, Fluff, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-25
Updated: 2008-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-17 01:50:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/546316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reflection on Kaoru's part leads to a discussion with Die. An interview with Hakuei leads to other things...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way of Words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elya-chan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=elya-chan).



> [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjcvSLkHX2E&NR=1](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjcvSLkHX2E&NR=1)  
> "This one is Kaoru... and this one is Die..." *giggle, rewind*  
> Include Tattoo Tracing  
> Song[s]: "THE PLEDGE" by Dir en grey

It's late and the night sky is a deep shade of blue. Not quite black, but not light enough to distinguish it from any of the discernable shades of blue one might be familiar with. Clouds dot the sky like ever-watchful guardians of the earth. It's almost certain the rain will come with them tonight to fall peacefully over the city.

It's the middle of the rainy season here in Osaka - the time of year in which I end up sitting indoors for hours on end. I guess we all do. Even Shinya, who is ever-diligent about getting out at least once a week, is looking a little pale. Of course, he looks nothing like Die, who's become damn near as white as a snow-rabbit these days.

We're recording and I'm supposed to be listening for mistakes in Die's part. Somehow I'm stuck staring at his flaming red hair, watching as he gets fully into what he's doing and doesn't pay any mind to my watchful gaze sliding over his body. Suddenly, I'm glad I'm sitting behind this glass; that I'm in the sound booth and not in the room with him.

A shudder runs through my body and I sigh softly. It's become harder and harder to deny myself what I really want lately. Years ago, I promised myself that I'd never look at him in the wrong way ever again. I guess maybe I should explain....

Four years ago - almost to the day, actually - I fucked up in a huge way. The whole band had gone out for drinks, which was something of a commonplace event for us back then. We'd celebrate damn near everything in booze; it was just the way we were. Really, I think that's the reason why Kyo won't drink anymore. But, anyway, that's not the point.

Die had decided we should all leave with buddies. Kyo, Die and I ended up leaving together, dropping Kyo off first - mainly because he lived closest to the bar. Me and Die... we lived all the way across town, only a few blocks from one another. It was late and there weren't anymore trains running, so we flagged a cab and got in. For whatever reason, Die blurted out his address and when I tried to give mine, he clamped his hand over my mouth.

I've never figured out what possessed me to do it, but I licked his hand. Sick, now that I think about it - since he'd been touching all kinds of things all night. But the instant I did, it became less funny and more... erotic. Something shifted between us right then. It was physically tangible in the air around us. I could feel the way we stopped looking at each other as friends and bandmates and moved on to seeing one another as the completely sexual beings we both were... and are.

Nothing happened in the car, but I never did give my address to the man driving. When Die got out, I simply followed, paying the cabbie and stumbling blindly after my rhythm guitarist to his apartment.

He never protested, not a word, and I didn't have the presence of mind to realize that maybe I should have been the one to stop it. One thing led to another and I ended up pressed against the wall with his tongue in my mouth and his hand in my pants.

I can still remember how hard he made me, just with that. How my head swam as he pulled me down the hall and into his bedroom. Hours later, I remember falling apart beneath him, screaming his name in a manner I'd never done with anyone before. And I remember the feeling of his release filling my body, the warm throb of his cock within me as I came down from the natural high.

I don't know where things fell apart at after that. I just remember waking up in his bedroom... alone. A handwritten note on the bedside table, telling me where things were and that I was free to use them. We didn't talk about it for weeks, not until I couldn't take it anymore and dragged him aside at work and completely exploded at him for treating me like we hadn't had mind-blowing sex in his bedroom that night.

It was then that I found out just how insecure he really was. He'd been taught that everything we'd done was a sin and that he was going to hell for having done it. In truth, he'd gone to seek forgiveness that morning, and had been every morning since. Months passed by and I eventually made him see that both of us had nothing to fear from what we'd done - that no one could judge us but ourselves.

All the same, I felt like shit for having let it all happen in the first place; for letting my desires run away with me and cause him so much internal grief for so long. But then, even as I stare at him today, I can see it. I can see plainly how much more okay with himself he is. How he's accepted who he is and what desires he has.

It's not that I think he'd act on them again, but at least if I brought it up now... I don't think he'd have a hernia about it. All the same, that night... it changed everything between us. We're still close, still friends and bandmates. But the personal things we used to share, we keep to ourselves. And even though Die might usually reach out and touch someone's shoulder in a friendly gesture - he refuses to touch me at all.

In a way... it breaks me. I miss those casual touches, the feel of his callused fingers gliding gently over my arm as he smiles that million-watt smile at me. But I don't really even get that anymore. That night... I fucked up something huge between us. Or rather, I let it happen when I should have stopped it... should have realized-

I yelp, gasping in panic as something brushes my arm and my head snaps up. My heart's going a million miles an hour and my breathing is even ragged as I stare up at the culprit.

Die's watching me, a sheepish look on his face. "Fuck, Kao... if I'd known touching you would set you off like that, I wouldn't have. I'm sorry." He retracts his hand and bites at his lower lip. It's a new habit for him, one I don't much like. It leaves the plump flesh torn and sometimes bloody, ruining the natural deep pink that I love so much.

I have the grace to blush and shake my head as I make sure my chair is scooted under the desk enough to hide just where my thoughts had been. "You just surprised me, that's all." _'I want you to touch me more often... please.'_ The last part remains nothing but a thought as I absently rub at my arm. "I guess I zoned out."

Die nods. "Yeah, I started playing 'Missa' on purpose and you didn't even notice." He grins at me and then slides his ass onto the edge of the table and seems to study me. "Kao... when did things change between us again?"

I blink stupidly at him for a moment and then shake my head. "Pardon?"

He offers a lopsided grin. "I don't know... it just feels... different. Almost like it used to... like before we-" he stops, his nervousness obviously returning as he links his hands together and begins to fidget with his fingers.

"Before I let things get too far and you ended up hurt?" I supply the words helpfully, knowing in some part of my mind that he's going to protest. And maybe... maybe it's that protest that I'm looking for - that some part of me needs.

His eyes meet mine and he gives me this sad look. "It was both of us. It took two and we let it happen. Besides, if anyone were to blame, it'd be me, not you."

Before I realize I'm doing it, I stand up and reach out, placing my hand on his cheek. I look deep in those brown eyes, searching for even a hint that maybe he still holds feelings for me. Finding nothing I didn't already know was there, I just sigh softly, dropping my hand. "Die... it should have been on me to stop it. I'm the leader and-"

"No." He shakes his head hard enough his red hair goes flying around his face. "You know what. I have no idea why it's taken us four years to talk about this. I hate how we feel like we have to stay apart from each other. How when we're alone together, things get awkward and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Fuck, we both know I'm no good at that, anyway." He reaches out, his hands fisting in my jacket and tugging me close.

My breath catches and I stare at him wide-eyed and alarmed. Why? What is he doing? The questions plague me even as he supplies the answers with his actions. The moment his lips touch mine, I'm drowning. I can't help it that I tangle my fingers in his hair, that I press so close to him it's impossible for him to not know how aroused I am.

What surprises me most is the instant he breaks the kiss and doesn't push me away. Instead, he holds me close; one hand in my purple hair, the other resting on my arm. "I don't want us to be like this anymore, Kao. I... I know I feel more for you than I should, but I can't keep denying it."

I lick my lips, tasting him on them, and have to close my eyes for a moment as my heart soars in my chest. He hasn't told me he loves me, not the way I do him. But it's okay... it's something. It's a hell of a lot more than I've had all this time and I'll take it with open arms. "Be with me, then."

And just like that... he's mine. A simple nod of his head and a smile on his lips - and I know he means it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Five Months Later ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm curled up on the couch in my living room with Die. He's stretched out over three cushions and has his head on my shoulder, his breath ghosting across my neck as he breathes softly. There's a smile on my lips as my hand strokes across his vibrant red mane. He's so damn beautiful like this, just peacefully staying by my side doing absolutely nothing.

He shifts a little, pulling himself closer into my arms and looping his own around my lower back. "Kao... I'm horny."

I smirk, barely holding back the laugh that tries to bubble up in my throat. Such a typical Die statement. And, as usual, at such a typical time. It's only about forty-five minutes until we need to be downtown for a TV interview. "Well... you'll just have to wait."

He squirms around, managing to get himself arranged so that he's straddling my leg. His hips press forward and he moves his head back so that he's watching me pleadingly as he pushes his obvious erection against my thigh. "Kaoooo~" He whines my name out so pitifully.

I shake my head. "We're already dressed for the interview. How about I promise to take care of that when we get back?"

His eyes sparkle as he licks his lips and then quickly pecks mine. "Promise?"

"Don't I always?" The retort slips past my lips without a second thought.

He laughs, the pleasing sound tinkling through the air around us. "Yeah, baby, you do."

The clock behind me clicks over to the hour and I heave a soft sigh. "We have to be there in half an hour so they can get us arranged appropriately and go over a few things before we're on."

He grins at me, seeming to be in a much better mood now that he knows I owe him a little something when we get back tonight. "I wonder how it's going to be, doing this with Hakuei."

I shrug a little. "We'll find out if you'll get off me and put your shoes on."

He slides off the couch and heads for the entryway. I trail after him, smoothing my clothing and then shrugging on my jacket and pushing my feet into my shoes.

Die finally stands up again from tying his boots and grins at me as he damn near yanks the hook from the wall getting his jacket. "Let's go!"

I roll my eyes and herd him out the door, closing and locking it behind us.

It takes almost the full half-hour to get to where we belong. I introduce us to the receptionist just as a familiar voice rings out from behind us.

"Die! Kaoru!"

I turn to see Hakuei approaching, the interviewer all but attached to his arm. It's kind of amusing... and kind of annoying. But then, it doesn't help that at one point in my life, he would have been exactly my type of man. Instead of showing my thoughts, I smile and thank the receptionist without looking back at her, trailing behind Die after Hakuei and the reporter.

We end up on this couch, with plenty of room between all of us. The run-through somehow turns into the damn interview and I feel more at ease than I have in a long, long time during one of these things. But then, I think having Die by my side helps that.

I end up making a comment about how I feel like Hakuei is my older brother, only to realize how damn _wrong_ that actually sounded, considering my earlier thoughts. Die ends up tripping all over his answer and I know he's dwelling on mine. I just wish like hell I could say something to him to make him understand why I said it.

But then, we've moved on and I realize that Die's already dismissed it, so I let it go as well, refocusing on the interview.

The reporter seems to be flirting with all of us and in a way that amuses me. But then when she asks about our types of girls, it makes me feel a bit upset to my stomach. Hakuei says something about the girls that scream and die first in the movies and that's the only damn reason I manage to spit out that my type changes all the time. All the while, I'm thinking I have no damn type of _girl_. Die responds very specifically and I almost end up laughing at him, knowing full well he's full of shit.

Somehow, we move on to Hakuei's tattoos and I'm caught up staring at them. After all, they're one of the many reasons I was attracted to him and this is a time in which I can stare at them and not seem odd.

But then, he surprises all of us as he points at his right arm and informs the girl interviewing that that one is me. Patting his left arm, he says that one is Die. Die starts laughing and all I can do is choke on air, staring at Hakuei like a fish out of water. I manage to compose myself and we finish the interview, but that remains on my mind the entire time. What would possess him to say such a thing?

When we're done, I just kind of get up, as if on autopilot, and leave the room, not even looking back, not remembering to wait for Die - nothing. I even get in a cab by myself and tell the driver my address, heading home. I'm about halfway there when I finally snap out of it and realize how foolish I've just been. I left Die - my lover - behind. Swallowing hard, I pull out my wallet and give the cabbie an extra few bills to get me home faster.

I don't know how I get up to my apartment, just that I find myself in the entryway, my shoes and jacket off and my body slumped against the wall. All I can think is, what have I done? What if Die hates me for it? Worse, what if he knows how I feel about Hakuei?

Life seems to spare me having to dwell on it long, because my door just opens and Die steps in, followed closely by a very worried-looking Hakuei.

Die's fast to gather me into his arms and usher me off toward the restroom, telling Hakuei that we'll be back in a few minutes. Once we're in there, Die pulls me closer, just resting his head on mine as he gently rocks side-to-side. I feel rather like a kid being comforted by his mother. But then, Die _is_ my comfort.

Somehow, I manage to choke out an apology to him, keeping my emotional dam in place the entire time. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

He kisses the side of my neck affectionately, moving on to my chin and then my lips, where he kisses me deeply, displaying such raw passion in it that I can't help but return it. When we pull apart, I'm breathless and his cheeks are flushed. "Kao... you think I'm blind, but I'm not. I know full well that you're attracted to other people. Hell, so am I. And that comment he made about his tattoos... I saw how it struck you. It made you think, made you wonder what would happen if you did certain things or acted certain ways. Maybe even... made you wonder if _we_ have a chance with him." He tilts my chin up and studies me carefully. "Didn't it?"

I blush and look away. "Die, I-"

"Yes or no?"

I sigh. "Fine. Yes. But that doesn't change the fact that it'll never happen and I don't want to hurt you and-"

His mouth over mine shuts me up. He kisses me until he's sure I'm going to stay quiet when he pulls back and then ends it, his palm pressed against my cheek. "It's exactly what he meant. We talked about it on the way here. Apparently, he's gotten the point that we're together from the concert the other night and was interested to know if we'd be up for a night with him."

My heart thuds in my chest and I stare at Die like he's lost his mind. "Really?"

He nods. "So... are you?"

Again, heat rushes to my cheeks and I duck my head. I feel ashamed that I do want it - that if he asked me to get on my knees and blow him right now, I'd do it... if it weren't for Die. But no, I can't and I _won't_ hurt the man I love so dearly. "Die, I can't. I won't lie to you. I do want him, I have for years. But," I fist my hands in his shirt and pull him to me, burying my face in his chest, "I love you and I don't want to ruin things between us."

He strokes my hair almost absently, releasing a few tangles, and then plants a kiss on my head. "Baby, I'd be up for it. Besides, if we play our cards right, we could both end up topping him _and_ fuck each other at the same time."

My cock twitches in my pants and I nuzzle into Die's chest a little more for a moment before pulling away and peering up at him. "How so?"

Die gets this absolutely wicked look on his face and grins at me. "We could DP him."

It takes me a minute to comprehend what in the hell he means by 'DP', but when I do, I stare at him in shock. "You mean, me and you, in him at once? And he'd let us do that?" The words are barely whispered, fully coated with disbelief and awe.

He shrugs. "Can't know unless we ask, right?" With that, he pulls away enough to open the door and poke his head out. "Hey, Hakuei. Would you be against us both fucking you at once?"

From where I'm at, I can see him approach the bathroom and lean against the wall across from the door. "Hmm... if you promise to take it slow and use lots of lube... I'd do it. But you'd best make me cum so hard I scream if I let you."

I have this somewhat stricken look on my face and I know it. I'm still not used to Die being like this - so damn open about things of a sexual nature. I mean, sure, he was always that way with girls. I guess it just goes to show me that he's more comfortable with me now than ever before.

He nudges the door the rest of the way open and then leans down, kissing me deeply before pulling back and lightly smacking the side of my hip. "You in, Kao? I'd like to see you fuck someone, anyway."

With that, my face heats up considerably and I hiss out Die's name in a manner that clearly tells him he wasn't supposed to share that information with anyone.

Hakuei chuckles but then pushes away from the wall, coming right toward me. "Looks like someone needs a little convincing that fucking me is a good idea." Smoothly, he slips between Die and me, fisting his hand in my hair and pulling my head back with it as he licks a path up my neck and then claims my mouth with an unbridled passion that rivals the way I was with Die so many years ago.

By the time he's done exploring my mouth with his tongue, I'm light-headed and my cock is throbbing in my pants. Somehow, the knowledge that I'm doing this right in front of Die is only adding fuel to the fire that's already burning inside me. It suddenly strikes me that I _need_ this, that I want to share Hakuei with Die. "Yes... I'm in." Not the strongest of words I've ever spoken, but they'll do.

Before I even know it, I'm being tugged into the bedroom by two sets of hands, one set unfastening my pants and the other freeing me of my shirt. I reach out blindly as I'm kissed in a manner that tells me it's Die. My fingers close on someone's zipper and tug it down, popping open the button on their pants and helping to shove them to the floor in much the same way mine have gone.

We collapse on the bed and Die appears over me, straddling me while he rocks his hips against mine, brushing our arousals together while he pulls his shirt off and tosses it aside. I reach down, fisting us both in my hand and starting to jerk us off while I grope around for Hakuei.

He seems to get the point and moves my hand to his cock. His shirt hits the floor just as I turn my head to stare at him, taking in his toned body as he reaches out and drags Die to him, kissing him hard. The way they kiss one another tells me they're looking for who's the most dominant. It doesn't matter what our arrangements really are, this isn't about that, and it's clearly written in the air around us.

Die pulls away from my touch, reaching out and wrenching Hakuei down on the bed, climbing over him and settling between his legs, thrusting himself against the blonde man's ass. Hakuei shudders and then whimpers, arching toward Die, his body radiating defeat.

With a pleased purr, my lover pulls away from him and smirks down at him.

"Get the damn lube, you smug bastard," Hakuei murmurs in a somewhat embarrassed manner.

It's then that I realize he's probably never been the bottom before - at least not completely willingly. Something like pride wells inside me and I fumble around for condoms in the stand on my side of the bed. Die extracts the lube from his and sets about prepping the man who's about to be our mutual lover.

The instant I see Hakuei tense, I move over to him, running my fingertips lightly along his tattoos and watching him. When he looks at me, I smile as I lean down to kiss the intricate patterns he's had placed there. "You know... the instant you said that these were me and Die... I remembered just how much I wanted you."

Hakuei opens his mouth to respond to me and instead cries out, his body tensing and then shuddering beneath my fingers. I turn my head to grin at Die. "Again, baby."

And Die does it, hitting that spot inside our lover over and over until Hakuei's cock is weeping and his balls are drawn up tight. When I see him about to pull out his fingers, I grab a condom, ripping it open and rolling it over my length. It's been years since I've had to use one on myself, but I don't dwell on it, simply tossing the wrapper aside and nudging Die over. "Let me... I want to make him cum for us."

I grab the lube as Die offers it and then moves over, settling back on his ass to watch. I slick myself up and can't help but jerk off for a few seconds before I position myself appropriately between Hakuei's legs and press my cock against his entrance. Slowly, I push in, waiting on him to look like he's in anything but the throes of passion.

He whimpers softly as he reaches up to me and grabs my forearms. "Damn it, Kaoru. Fuck me like a damn man!"

I gasp and then slam into him, burying myself to the hilt. I only wait a second before I pull out and do it again, setting up something of a rhythm, our flesh slapping together with every movement and his cries clearly telling me I found the right angle by sheer luck. It isn't long before he cries out my name and clamps down around me so hard it almost hurts. But then he's spilling himself across his abdomen and his ass is clenching and releasing around me as I continue to thrust.

Moans of delirious pleasure spill from me and I can't seem to make myself stop thrusting, even when Die's hands settle on my hips and try to pause me. I'm blind to anything that's going on until suddenly, I'm on my back and Hakuei's over me, panting as I'm still thrusting into him repeatedly. I'm cramping up and I still can't find it in my mind to stop. It feels so damn good to be _in_ someone again.

"Kao, baby... I need you to stop for a minute." It's Die's voice in my ear and I mewl softly before finally my hips stop and I lay there, my body shuddering. He pets my hair for a moment and then gently kisses me. "Pull almost all the way out and then stay there."

I do what he tells me as he moves around behind Hakuei. First Die's fingers invade our blonde lover, stretching him even more and causing Hakuei to whimper. I feel more lubricant being added and then Die's cock slide over mine.

Hakuei's makes a steady stream of slightly agonized noises, but he never says to stop. Die's as gentle as he can be - maybe even more gentle than he was with me the first time we actually made love and not fucked. But this is a delicate process, one that, if we hurt him too much, he'll need a trip to the hospital to fix.

I get a little impatient and arch my hips very slowly, trying to sink into Hakuei a little bit more.

"Kao..." there's a warning tone in Die's voice and I stop, pulling back out so that only the head of my cock remains inside Hakuei. It's then that Die pushes in, forcing himself into the already tight passage, wrenching a cry from Hakuei's throat.

I reach up, smoothing my hands over Hakuei's tattoos, leaning up to kiss him as I can feel Die pushing in further. When I can feel that he'd fully seated within him, I tentatively lift my hips, breaking the kiss and staring up at them. It's so incredibly tight and I know it won't take much for me to finish like this. My hips snap up and I cry out in pleasure, unable to hold myself back any longer. "F-fuck... oh... gods... ah!" Words fall from my lips and I don't even try to stop them as I thrust into the man above me with abandon, my body seeking release.

Die stays buried inside Hakuei, leaving himself still as he clutches the other man in his grasp. But from the way he's breathing, the way his cheeks are flushed, I know he's enjoying this just as much as I am.

My gaze slips down to Hakuei's cock, wondering if he's at all aroused by this. He surprises me, his arousal standing stiffly out from his body, already glistening with pre-cum once more. I watch as Die's hand slips down and grasps it, stroking him in time with my thrusts.

Finally, I can't hold on any longer and I brace myself better, thrusting hard and fast as I begin to tremble with the effort and the imminent orgasm. With a moan, I push myself in one last time and shudder forcefully as my balls empty themselves into the latex barrier I'm wearing. Warmth floods the condom and my hips jerk in response before I collapse back against the bed, panting.

Die doesn't wait on me to pull out, just starts thrusting. His hand leaves Hakuei's cock and grasps his hip as he slams into him with enough force to move the bed.

Their moans fill the air and I watch them in awe, trying to ignore how sensitive my cock is with Die thrusting against it like this. Without even being touched, Hakuei shoots his load, his cum spurting out over my abdomen as he damn near screams, his ass tightening harshly around us.

Die isn't far behind, only a few more thrusts and then he's moaning in that way I know means he's about to start cumming. One more push and then he's throbbing against me, every spasm of his muscles echoing through my spent length. He remains inside Hakuei, even after he's done, just resting a moment before finally pulling out. I slip out with him and just lay there as Hakuei moves to lie down off to the side.

My red-headed lover removes both of our condoms and tosses them in the waste bin before flopping down and pulling me to him.

I curl up around him, the way I always do and smile over his shoulder at Hakuei. "Was it worth it?"

He grins at me. "Every moment." With a laugh, he places his hands over his tattoos. "After all... we had to make my comment come true."

 **The End**  
Excuse me... I need some uh... personal time now. *runs off*  



End file.
